When I first got the idea to write a book, it was 2012. I had just come out of the darkest time of my life, and I had discovered the love of God. I had spent 9 months in a string of Bible Studies, and I had learned things I had never known before. The most life-changing being:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
- I didn't know that the Bible said that God loved me.
- I didn't know that there was a grand plan for my life, and that those plans were good.
For the first time in my life, I had begun to pray, and I was seeing prayers answered. God was real; and I wanted desperately to tell other women who were hurting like I had been. The book was going to be called "A Million Miles from where I Started" and I worked on it for close to 2 years.
However; in my attempts to convey the pain that I had endured, I found myself overwhelmed by emotion, day in and day out. I smoked cigarettes to try to calm my stomach, and stop my tears.... they didn't work. I vomited, and cried, and poured my heart out every day until I just couldn't do it anymore...
And then, I had an epiphany. The day my 9 year old daughter went looking through my jewelry box, found my great-grandmother's pearls, and asked a million questions about how they are formed ~ she announced "Mama. Pearls are like people. Bad things make them prettier on the inside." It was brilliant. That sentence conveyed the message I had been struggling to articulate for years. My life was "like a pearl". In that moment, I decided to make modern, pearl jewelry to convey the radical transformation of my life. Yes. I would use the symbolism of the pearl to convey beauty born from struggle without words.
I founded Milk Velvet Pearls, taught myself how to make jewelry (thank you YouTube) and launched my store on Mother's Day 2014. The response was overwhelming, and I poured myself into my work.
But, a few years later, I was once again consumed with the idea of writing a book. My 20 year old son, who was living out of state, had been arrested and his drug addiction revealed. And, God's hand had miraculously come into our lives again.
I had known that something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I was thankful that he had been arrested, thankful to KNOW. I had prayed for my eyes to be opened, and they had. Suddenly, everything made sense, but the news was terrifying.
To say that a tsunami of fear, and shame came over me would be an understatement.
I cried out to God. Alone in my house, I sobbed for my son, screamed out against Satan, and begged the Lord for the life of my boy. I walked around trembling with fear, and praying all day long. At night, I stayed up most nights until 3-4 a.m. - writing and praying. I wasn't going to be able to survive if he died. It was hard to breathe. I was so afraid... Everyone knew addiction was a death sentence. I couldn't see how anything would ever be okay every again...
But, God helped me.
He gave me strength for the battle. He helped me to face the dragon of drug addiction in my beautiful, first born son. He directed my steps, and washed over me with peace. After several months of rehab for my son, and family support / Nar-Anon / Al-Anon/ individual therapy meetings for me, I found myself living differently. I'd learned about co-dependency. I'd had an encounter with Jesus and felt that I was forgiven for all the mistakes I had made. Every morning, I prayed for God to help me through the day; and coincidentally (or maybe not), my son's recovery took firm hold when I gave all the control to Jesus.
God was making things new. Things were going to be okay after all.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." - Exodus 14:14
(the cover I had planned)
Yet, after several months of working on Arrested By A Miracle, I realized why there's not a lot of material published about addiction. The recovery process digs deep into one's deepest, darkest secrets, and very often reveals generational trauma. It is messy, and painful.
On top of that; addiction is a life-long battle. There is no end. There is no letting your guard down. AA teaches that if you think you have it under control, you're dangerously close to relapse.
Recovery is an exercise in humility. It's submission to a higher power, and to powerlessness over addiction - every day for the rest of your life.
I don't know how to encourage others to come to the end of themselves. I only know that God helped us when we did.
I remember writing in my journal on October 7, 2019: "God use me, and our story for your glory."
A few hours later, I had a brain aneurysm rupture. When I finally got to the hospital, it was 5 days later, I was experiencing vasospasms, and my brain tissue was beginning to die.
It's hard to find words to describe the pain and weakness of a subarachnoid brain hemorrhage, and the experience of brain tissue saturated in blood. Weeks in the hospital, months of neuro-cognitive rehab, and all the while not knowing if my life would ever be the same again....
But choosing to believe God at His word , and to prophesy scripture over my life saved me, sustained me, and brought me healing.
Today. My mind has been made new. My aneurysm is gone, and my artery is 100% healed. And since this happened, every part of my life has been REMADE with grace and peace.
This place is the place I cannot stop thinking about; and the place I want you to know about. I call it "The Making of a Pearl" because my suffering taught me that I can lie perfectly still under the hand of God.
When my brain tissue was dying, HE WAS THERE, and ALL WAS WELL. I can be calm and carefree now no matter what happens around me. Quietness and love have flooded my soul.
I live in complete freedom now. (It's the coolest thing!) My goal in writing The Making of a Pearl is to encourage ONE person to know the powerful, life-changing presence of the Lord the way I do now.
I'm giving God all the glory, and I encourage you to keep the faith.
All things work for the good of those who love God.
(Romans 8:28)
I put my shop on hold to work on the manuscript for my book. I plan to re-open in 2024.
I hope you'll stay tuned for updates on the book!
XO
Sarah
(beautiful poem written for me from my beautiful HUSBAND)
(The book cover I created for my Vision Board using a photo of an original painting I purchased from artist, Chelsea Goer)
@chelseagoer www.chelseagoer.com
